Goodness me. I’ve fallen so far behind on my blahging. I can tell by how many daily self-portraits I’ve gone through in the meantime. I need to write something long to allow me the space to catch up on them all. (Remember to click on the photo if you want to know more about it; they are often captioned in flickr.)

So here are some of my thoughts on modern life. At the moment, they are viewed through a very dark lens, but that’s the lens that’s available to me at present. When I look through the positive attitude filter, everything looks like (and is) a lie. But there is a way through that. It starts by admitting the truth.

And the truth of the matter, difficult as it is to admit in my new age misty-eyed dreamer brain, is much of the time, most everywhere, life is Hell.

The world of human affairs and nature itself is a violent, torturous trip for most. A cursory search through the sticky webs of worldwide information makes clear that the people are no longer willing to be so quiet about their desperation. The stories are becoming darker, the voices telling them have grown louder, shriller, more demanding, less hopeful, more cynical. (more…)

I am lately often overwhelmed by the beauty of existence.

Human existence.

It’s easy to say that one is overwhelmed by the beauty of Nature. Everybody knows that nature is beautiful, the Earth is beautiful, that the natural world is stunning; it is normal for the poetic human soul to be affected by the awe-inspiring, devastating impact of its beauty. But of course, we compare nature’s beauty to the sordidness and moral squalor of human existence, making ourselves feel like a big lump of collective crap in the process.

But that’s the real crap. The idea that humans are common, sordid, a blight on the planet, a species to be ashamed of. That drives us to the collective double insanity of procreation beyond the capacity of the planet to sustain us and war against self and against nature, destruction, suicide, homicide, rage out of control. We are all acting out in a myriad ways from the innerworld personal interelationship between parts of self, to sibling rivalry and family drama, to the global stage: tales of torture and torment, struggle and suffering, war and death by stress.

We are both in and causing a massive crisis on the globe. Our collective out of control rampage of self-hatred is causing a massive species die-off. We are deleting thousands per day of entire genres of life just as a natural byproduct of our current way of life. (more…)

There’s so much going on, and i’ve had so little time and energy to write, that catching up is not going to be possible. So I’ll stick to the highlights… the really big stuff. Yes, there’s big news!

Lise’s comment made me realize that there are people out there who care about me and who may wonder what the heck is going on in my world. After all, I announced an intention to move to Saltspring a couple of months ago, and I never followed that up with what I learned, which was that the caravan was an illegal rental and the Capitol Regional District on Saltspring enforces such things ruthlessly.

Darn rules. Darn enforcers. Grr. So no Saltspring, though Sheya has been keeping her eye open for me there.
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It’s early still so that may be an optimistic title… those hardy few who are regular readers of this blog may have noticed an extended gap between postings here; I’ve given one excuse already in my previous post but I have a new one now.

Which is: I’m sick. I seem to be on the mend, though an outsider would be hard pressed to notice much difference in my behavior. I still shuffle about like a zombie in my fuzzy purple robe, coughing and sneezing, with headache and wooziness. But the fever broke last night and I haven’t slept since I got up, I have marginally more energy and (wonder of wonders) I cleaned the cat litter box today! We’re talking the Litter Box From Hell! It was the crowning achievement in a day of no other achievements.

I’m way behind on virtually everything… this is a placeholder post with a couple of self-portraits from my Hornby visit. If you click on the shot, it will take you to the flickr page where I actually talk about the picture.

More when I am better. Maybe even tomorrow, who knows? Thanks for hanging in there, you guys, and you know who you are .

… not being able to get online for more than a few minutes at a time.

I’m still on Hornby, and my computer for some bizarre reason unknown even to webmeisters refuses to recognize the broadband signal here. Or something. In any case, I have access to dialup only, which is more frustrating than not being online at all, because virtually all of what I want to work with requires more speed than dialup allows.

So my flickr photos languish on my hard drive / camera, my stories remain untold. Part of it is, I’m incredibly busy and focusing most of my energy on getting this DVD finished.

What DVD? Oh, did I mention? So there’s another story I haven’t had time to tell.
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