writer’s group assignment this month: windfall

The assignment this month over on Northern Scribblers Online was to write about a windfall that happened to somebody. It made me remember the following true story. Go magic!

Miracle in the Parking Lot

Nothing makes you appreciate money more than not having any. Raising two boys on an income fixed at a level well below the basic needs of my family meant not having any was the norm for the last two weeks of every month. They were hungry boys, growing fast, and I liked to eat a bit myself.

On this day of days, I was desperate. What to do? We were out of everything: bread, cheese, pasta, condiments, anything the kids would eat, and my cheque wasn’t due for another week. I’d exhausted all the possibilities: I’d rolled up and spent the last of my collected coin stash and used every scrap and shred of food in the house. I didn’t know anyone I could borrow money from, and I was unwilling to get into a pattern of owing money I knew I couldn’t repay.

The ache in my chest swelled to bursting and I began to cry in pure thwarted need. I left the house and began walking in the direction of the grocery store. “God, fairies, whatever magic exists that cares and could help me, I really need it now. I don’t know where to turn. Please, my kids are hungry, help me.”

I repeated this prayer over and over like a litany, wandering aimlessly with my eyes to the ground, my tears mingling with rain that streamed from the deep gray belly of cloud that hung so close overhead I felt I could reach up and touch it, if it weren’t such a burdensome effort just maintaining an upright stance. Part of me wanted to give in, collapse to the ground, and let somebody else take care of my kids, somebody who could. I felt a horror of failure, beaten down by circumstances and my own painful inadequacy.

When I got to the grocery store, I stopped short. What was I doing here? I had no money to buy anything. I turned to walk through the parking lot, thinking to take the path that would lead to the beach on the other side. My cast-down eyes spotted a strange-looking scrap of paper flattened by the rain. Without hope or real curiosity, simply because my body seemed to want to, I walked over and picked it up.

It took a few heartbeats to recognize what I was holding, and when I did, my heart nearly stopped. It was a hundred dollar bill. I couldn’t have felt anymore stunned if it had been a million. Do these things really happen, my numb brain wondered? Who would drop a hundred-dollar bill in the parking lot?

An angel, maybe, or a helpful fairy. Perhaps my own desperate desire magicked the thing out of thin air. I didn’t care which. I only knew I had been saved, that my kids would eat.

When I walked home laden with everything from bread and cheese to toilet paper, I told my boys the story of the miracle in the parking lot. More than anything, more than the fact of finding the money or having enough food for the rest of the month, I was grateful for this evidence of real, practical magic in my sons’ lives. It made the stories of miracles and magic I loved to tell them seem more true and possible. A crack had opened in the grey clockwork universe that let shards of light, colour and mystery enter my world and the eyes and minds of my children.

8 Responses to “writer’s group assignment this month: windfall”

  1. Peter says:

    Well, it made *me* cry! Mission accomplished :-)

  2. Jean says:

    me too! perfect …

  3. phee says:

    I realized after I posted it, it sounds just like those sappy emotionally manipulative ‘inspirational’ stories that people send around as email forwards. Man, I have judged them heavily! Yet, perhaps they (or at least some of them) started out as somebody’s true experience… hm.

    I know this one happened. I was there. Thanks for the feedback, gaias!

  4. Jean says:

    when i find myself judging things i see or read as sappy, i realize that it is me judging my own broken heart. it is the voice of L sneering at the mother’s heart’s desires.

    so then i really let myself get into it and there’s alot there.

    by the way, i didn’t find it sappy at all.

    j.

  5. Jean says:

    ps: i figured, if it moved me, it’s important.

  6. phee says:

    I know… it’s my own judgements revealed by what I said there. I fear being perceived as ’sappy’ because I have judgements about other ’sappy’ stuff, judgements of the motivations behind those who forward them (they always seem to come with a pat moral and a guilt message at the end: ‘If you have a heart you will forward this to everybody you know’ type of thing).

    Thanks, Jean. Sappy is kind of a null concept really.

  7. Gary says:

    Well, this moved me, too. Wow! I am letting go of that sappy, unreal, couldn’t possibly happen crap and asking for miracles in my life, as well.

  8. phee says:

    I found myself telling somebody recently, “I live my life from one miracle to the next… if you insist on miracles, they have to happen.” And I realized after I said it (this often happens to me) that it’s true. I often put myself in situations where the only thing that’ll save me is a bonafide miracle. And it always happens. Always! That was a ray of light realization for me.

    Sometimes I get saved by the kind of miracle that I don’t think is a miracle, like having my car break down in the middle of nowhere and having to ask for help from the last person I wanted to reach for (my ex)… the miracle was, he came through for me. And it was good for me to open up to him. Humbling. Necessary.

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