It is a time for a purge, a breath of fresh air to sweep the cobwebs from the labyrinth of my mind. Too much clutter, no room to move! Out it goes, that good idea from two days ago that I didn’t act on, that fantasy conversation with someone I’d like to get to know better, that letter I didn’t write, all gone. Make way for some sunshine in my windows.

Everything is in turmoil, topsy-turvy’d by recent firestorms. Who I might become is still a crap shoot, the wheels are spinning and waiting to see what will line up, waiting for a click to snick something permanent into place, for gears to engage and momentum to build.

I feel I have been saying this kind of thing for a long time, and as always, want to exclaim that this time it’s really truly for real, yes indeedy sir, while cringingly fearing that the inescapable fact that I’m not perfect yet must mean that my moebius path is merely a twist and not a transformation.

Heave ho to this perverted, perfectionistic nit-picking bull potato too, that screw-eyed blue scowler whose foul stench and incense condense to a single nauseating breath of death. Time for some serious exorcism here! Internal schisms are calling for intervention from the divine within (which would be me).

Time to take some responsibility for the sordid state of my internal affairs. Fiends and fanatics have been driving my bus for too long, while all selves with an ounce of sense have been occupied, fantasizing better ways to be, carrying on imagined conversations with more interesting others and tut-tutting at the state of things while my world is pushed to the brink by shamers and blamers who drill their finger-pointing way into the heart of my darkness, making my mother and all my ancestors wrong to have contributed to my existence.

Awake, damned fantasy-islanders, shake off your dreamsmoke and get your feet in line with these feet of mine, here and now! This body exists and needs some real guidance, and if you know best, then put your theories to the test and help me evict these unwelcome guests, break and shake these rules of law and judgment from afar, and let’s see what life might really be.

This entry was posted on Thursday, August 30th, 2007 at 12:11 am and is filed under about me, truth and strangeness. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.