I’m having a hard time getting going. I wonder if I qualify for a label (like ‘Chronic Fatigue Syndrome’) that would serve to explain me? I’m tired of calling myself ‘lazy’ and variously chastising, cudgeling and castigating myself for that crime. The one-sided battle rages in my head, the loud angry voice of thwarted ambition screaming, ‘get off your butt and —–‘ (fill in the blank with some necessary task upon which my surivival depends).

It’s one-sided because the target doesn’t argue. It simply shrugs, slides lower into the seat and sighs, wishing it could disappear. If only.

My mind, the overbearing voice of authority, endlessly assigns tasks which are resisted by my body, the weak but passive-aggressive servant which shirks any work it can. I need a mediator, some neutral yet caring third party who can help me get my mind off my body’s back while motivating my body to get going, for its own sake. Both need to happen.

I’m not neutral. I swing back and forth, one side to the other, completely emotionally invested in whichever side I’m being at the moment. My psyche is a mess, which may be the human condition, but damn!

Maybe I’m still metamorphosing. Yeah, yeah, that’s the ticket…

This entry was posted on Thursday, May 10th, 2007 at 4:12 pm and is filed under 100 Words, truth and strangeness. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.