muddled thoughts and epic epiphanies
My mind is blocked right now. I drift and dream, conceiving wild and wonderful visions of froth and foam, but translating these fancies to linear words that obey certain conventions of grammar and readability feels like slave labour right now. Existence is a dreadful burden at times, my body too heavy to carry, my thoughts too dense and complex to unravel into anything like understanding.
Still, fresh epiphanic moments, lightning-struck with truth and beauty, transcendent, transpersonal, transformational eternities, endlessly and reliably revivifying my experience do make it all worthwhile, no questions asked. Life, new and improved, asks, hey, why not?
Opening the heart is a good goal. It happens regularly in any case, without prompting or forcing, so no need to stress about it. The weight on my brain is not me, not the self that lives in this moment here and now, it’s just old habit pressing in with a life of its own, commanding my attention, pointing out this and that, what if and who knows?
These habits of thought pretend to be consciousness, but when questioned, they have no answers to offer, merely further seductions of loopy logic, dragging my mind into their vortex of sinking thinking.
trying truth instead:
Go with the flow, wherever it takes you, even if the direction is down. Stay awake the whole time, take acute interest in everything you experience. Breathe, be, and allow all without judgment. Down there, beneath everything you have protected yourself from, below the humdrum layers of everyday, new discoveries await you, new forgotten selves quiver hungrily, eager to escape their endless compression, waiting to be noticed.
So, notice them, embrace them, cry their tears and welcome them home to yourself. They are your saviors, as you are theirs. Without you, they are lost. Without them, you are not whole.