Beyond Hope 55
The next time Sylvie woke, she was alone. She had fallen asleep under a great cedar while trying to think, muzzily worrying the problem of where she had been and why she felt so strange. Her mind felt like an echoing vault, full of emptiness. Why couldn’t she think? Why couldn’t she remember?
Now, spitting the leaf mould from her mouth and brushing the bits from her hair and clothing, memory returned in a colourful flood, vivid and crystal-clear. How could she possibly have forgotten? Her heart contracted painfully. Where was Snowpepper?
Snow? she called in her thoughts. Snowpepper, are you there? Oh, faerie, I’m so sorry, please don’t leave me!
I’m here, she thought. Then she became terribly confused. For that moment, she had been Snowpepper. Now she was Sylvie again. What was going on?
Snowpepper, please, talk to me! I need you, where are you?
No really, I’m here. She could feel herself thinking the thought, but she without conscious volition. It didn’t come from another source, she was certain; she knew what her own thoughts felt like, and this was definitely herself. Yet these thoughts seemed to be saying that Snowpepper was here!
It’s really me, Sylvie, she thought happily. It’s like what Mother Maples said was supposed to happen. I’m you, and you’re me, and it’s me being you thinking that you’re me.
Sylvie giggled. It was so silly, a delightful game she was playing with herself. Immediately, she stiffened in terror. Am I going crazy? This is how crazy people act… then she giggled again. Oh Sylvie, lighten up! she thought, quelling another giggle as the thought effervesced in her mind. Everything isn’t always so serious, you know! She couldn’t help it. A snorted burst of laughter escaped her desperate control.
She was going mad. She moaned piteously, wrapping her arms around her head, trying to stop the rebellious laughter and the strange thoughts. She needed to be alone, to grieve Snowpepper, Quickfoot Mother Maples, and the strange lost magical world full of colour, light and unpredictable dangers. Why was her mind behaving so strangely?
She thought severely, Sylvie! Stop thinking this to death! We’re the same person now just like we’re supposed to be! Just accept it and it will be so much easier! We can have fun together! You owe me that, remember!
Goosebumps prickled down her spine. Perhaps it was true. It was starting to make a bizarre sort of sense. If it were true, if Snowpepper and she had become somehow mingled together again, then her tragic error from childhood could finally be remedied. And she did owe Snowpepper. She owed her bigtime.
At last the tears came, and the Snowpepper part of her mind didn’t try to stop them.